friends forever

When Netflix revealed they would be releasing the entire series of Friends for instant viewing, I was less than impressed. After all, I was a teenage girl from 1999-2004, I’ve obviously seen every episode, multiple times. But nothing can prepare you for watching it in all of its chronological glory, with NO commercials, just that 20 seconds of black screen in between episodes when Netflix forces you to think about what you’re doing with your life (Answer: NOTHING, NEXT EPISODE PLEASE!).

Finishing all ten seasons was bittersweet– realizing you’ve spent 87.5+ hours on your couch can make you feel simultaneously proud and disgusted.  Friends is a show that makes you feel stupidly optimistic. It gives hope that we can live in the same apartment forever, switch jobs whenever we want, marry our best friend, and never encounter crime in New York City. When Buzzfeed revealed that fans had missed the “Reserved” sign on the coffee table at Central Perk, I wondered what else I had missed the first time around…

I kind of wish Monica had stayed with Richard. 3_13_png
Monica and Richard broke up because he didn’t want the same things in the future that she did, and it was THE BIGGEST MISTAKE HE EVER MADE!  Seriously, he said that later when he was trying to come between Monica and Chandler.  Richard was mature, successful, loving, and a total fox.  I like Matthew Perry as much as the next girl, but I would have definitely chosen that dreamboat Tom Selleck ❤ ❤ <3.  But, perhaps a recurring guest spot on Friends wasn’t in Tommy’s destiny, and since we’re on the subject…

Monica and Chandler > Rachel and Ross 2h379jl
Ross is my least favorite Friend.  He’s whiny, neurotic, nerdy, condescending…one time we told my friend Chris in the “Friends’ World,” he was Ross…he got pissed, which is such a Ross thing to do.  (BTW, I was deemed a perfect mix of Monica and Rachel’s good qualities.)  People act like Rachel and Ross were so romantic but they were awful to each other!  She ignored him for years, and then he cheated on her.  The only reason they ended up together in the end is because he knocked her up.  Ok Ross we get it, 3 marriages, 2 baby mamas…enough is enough!  Monandler gets my vote for Best Couple, mostly because it gives hope to formerly fat girls and recovered drug addicts everywhere.

The “We Were on a Break” excuse is only legit to men.fae833da172a404b2bebc68cffc7be36
Me:
I can’t believe Ross went out and slept with that skank a few hours after Rachel told him she wanted to take a break.
Craig: Why?  They were on a break.
Me: [stares at him trying to figure out if he’s serious]  They were broken up for like 10 minutes.  And she said she just wanted a BREAK, not to completely break up..
Craig: So what, he’s just supposed to sit around and wait for her to figure out what she wants?
Me: Uh, yeah!  Or at least wait a full 24 hours before banging someone.  I mean if I got pissed at you and said “Let’s take a break” would you run out and bang some girl at the bar?
Craig: I mean, I don’t know, maybe, I would be pretty upset, and if we were on a break…
Me: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SLEEP WITH SOME SLUT AT THE BAR!
Craig: BUT WE WERE ON A BREAK!

I rest my case.

Joey is not really that hot.tumblr_mc05ymNREn1qcly6r

For some reason, they portray Joey Tribbiani as a total ladies’ man that can bag a broad with a sideways smile and a lame pick up line that isn’t even a pun.  Let’s be realistic about this…Joey is a mostly out-of-work actor with a questionable IQ and some serious bug-eyes.  Who is jumping into bed with this guy?  He didn’t end up with Rachel (duh, we all saw that one coming), he didn’t end up with Phoebe (the most likely match), and his move to L.A. was a complete disaster.  Matt LeBlanc is still playing the same character on Episodes, just with grayer hair, and it still doesn’t work.  Sorry, not sorry.

Does Phoebe even like the other Friends?  Phoebe-Buffay-phoebe-buffay-31574997-500-388
Phoebe Buffay is a hippie dip who doesn’t eat meat, adhere to conventional standards or shower probably.  Yet her “best friends” include a carnivorous soap star, self-centered fashionista, conservative paleontologist, OCD chef and…well, no one knows what Chandler does…  She grew up on the streets with no family and unimaginable tragedy, and is ALWAYS bringing it up…bitter much?  I feel like Phoebe probably has a separate group of friends somewhere else and they sit around smoking weed making fun of those squares.

I want to live in Friends’ World.  IMG_5323

Despite all the inconsistencies, major plot holes and general unrealistic elements of one of the most popular shows of all time, I still want to be a part of it.  I want to drink coffee at Central Perk, eat Monica’s home cooked meals, draw something on the MagnaDoodle, and dance in or around the fountain!!!!!!  And in my dedicated viewing, I realized that even though the core group seems pretty exclusive, they throw LOTS of parties that have LOTS of people there. So maybe there’s a chance that I too can be a F*R*I*E*N*D.

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