doin’ the charleston 

Charleston, South Carolina holds the prestige as the oldest and second largest city in South Carolina, and has been voted the best small city five years in a row.  With its gorgeous historic district, waterfront location and fabulous food, drink, shopping and entertainment, it’s not hard to tell why!  They’re also super modest about themselves…Our adventure in Chucktown (btw, I hate that nickname and will not be using it again) began on the outskirts on the college hub in a refurbished single home.
We wondered what the fake front door was, and when I googled it I found that it was for lettin’ a breeze draw through.  We  used it to practice screaming and slamming a door.  The house was beautiful inside and had everything a guest could need.  Our bed did spontaneously break in the middle of the night, but im pretty sure it was from IKEA. Soooo…ok.  We each found something in the house that represented our personalities:

After wandering through the streets, we ended up at a college bar where there were some very questionable (read: disgusting) fashion statements.  Also, they’re super serious about kicking you out 30 minutes before closing, and forcing you to stumble drunk, hungry and desperate.

In the morning, on a quest for a toothbrush, we ended up at a much needed farmers market.  It was packed with brunch food trucks, fresh pressed juice carts, vendors selling packaged food and crafts, and a dance troupe performed on the edge.

We wandered to the historic district by the waterfront where we found an awesome pineapple fountain to serve as the background to our photos, and also got a glimpse of the Ravenal Bridge (side note–our goal in Charleston was to find/make out with/get knocked up by T-Rav, but alas no luck.  Next trip…)

The historic district of Charleston is quaintly beautiful, with southern style mansions and an aptly named Rainbow Row.  Plus, there are plenty of pink houses for my choosing.  I kept wondering why everything was so crooked, and then found out that a massive earthquake hit Charleston in 1886.  Who knew (besides all the people in Charleston obviously)?

After a walking tour of the Battery, we stopped for a quick bite to eat at SNOB (which like, hello could Aimee and I have found a better restaurant?!?). Their cheese plate was to die.

After stopping for a quick photo op on an abandoned horse drawn carriage,

We embarked on a historic tour of Charleston’s scandalous and sordid past, which drew us in with the website description 

I’m not sure if the tour guide was intentionally hilarious, or if we were tipsy from the cocktails consumed prior to the tour, but we loved this woman.  She told us all about the brothels and whorehouses, and prostitutes who would say sexy things like “This leg is Thanksgiving, this leg is Christmas, why don’t you come visit between the holidays?” in her sweet, soft Southern drawl.  

Our favorite part was when she showed us an old famous brothel that’s now named Balzac (read: ball sack) Bros and never smells like coffee.  Below is a picture of two whore ghosts still working the strip.

The tour was funny and informative; Charleston, while called the holy city, was truly a den of sin back in the day.  The last stop of the tour was in front of a post office where the tour guide pointed out that the post office employees have placed a creepy mannequin in the window to spite the tour guide.  I’m wondering if the tour guide did it to have a good end to her tour…

The next day we got breakfast at Hot Little Biscuit and seriously considered staying an extra day to get more food.

We visited the Charleston City Market, which is an old brick building spanning four blocks with vendors and artisans selling homemade goods. 

 I bought a choker and the guy basically made me sign a contract to treat it right. We browsed to boutiques and bookshops along King Street and hunted for celebrities at brunch.  Stasi from Vanderpump Rules was in town, and I regret to inform you I did not see her, nor did I see any of the Southern Charm cast, which really was the point of the trip.  Next time…next time…

Another thing I should note about Charleston are the uber-friendly Uber drivers.  They all wanted to have conversations, pick up our luggage, give us lollipops or gum, or tell us fun facts about the city.  We of course were like uhhhh why are you talking to us?  Sue us, we’re Yankees.  Also, at the Charleston airport, the security guards pretend to ask you friendly questions while really investigating how much of a terrorist you are.  Craig nearly got us on a no fly list because he didn’t understand the guy asking him if anyone put anything in his bag…

Guy: Sir, is that the bag you typically fly with?

Craig: Hahahah nope!

Guy (more suspicious): Sir did anyone ask you to carry things in your bag?

Craig: Hahahah I’m not sure maybe!

Guy (even more suspicious): Sir…did someone put something in your bag?

Me (in my head): Omg craig shut up!

Craig (finally): No.

Guy (to me): Ma’am is that the bag you usually fly with?

Me: Yes.

Guy (rolling his eyes at craig): Thank you [for having a brain]

Needless to say, thanks to me, we got home safely.

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